Breaking News: Moderate Muslims Live Ordinary, Moderate Lives (Satire)
Taken from Fokhs news
On Sunday, millions of Muslims were found to have been living ordinary, average lives.
In an investigation headed by the Ministry of Common Sense, an overwhelming majority of Muslims were surprisingly found to be perfectly normal, functional members of society. Subjects were found from a wide variety of socio-economic classes, spanning almost all of the continents in the world (barring Antarctica), and took into account Muslims of all ages.
The Muslim population was found to have been engaging in such activities as ‘going to work’, ‘buying food from a supermarket’ and ‘getting a haircut’, as well as engaging in activities such as ‘exercising’, or ‘going out for a meal’, amongst various other activities.
“Muslims are literally just normal people,” said one bystander and researcher. “Literally”, they emphasized. This is true- the current Muslim population encompases 22.74% of the overall population, making approximately one in four people Muslim.
This investigation marks yet another incidence of a religion having no large impact on a population’s ability to function in a healthy way. Researchers found that their lifestyle habits had no impact on their ability to work, their intelligence, their fitness levels, as well as their fashion sense.
Some researches have expressed their surprise towards the results that have emerged with the continuation of this study. “This is basically a miracle”, one particular researcher said. “Muslims do not in fact have a uniform standard of faith, and like most religions, have a disparity in belief”, they continued. Said researcher appeared flummoxed by this jaw-breaking news.
It’s unclear as of now how this new investigation will lead to further change or developments, but our resident social analyst suggests that there will not be a large amount of change. “A large proportion of Muslims already lead average, ordinary lives”, he said. Miraculous images of Muslims actually ‘blinking’ and ‘breathing’ are circulating the internet.
For now, it appears as if a majority of Muslims will continue to live normal lives, as they have continued to do so in the past. We advise the public to stay calm in the face of this breaking news as we continue to demand all muslims apologize for the actions for a minority.
Join us next week where we demand all brunettes apologize for the actions of Hitler.
Note: This is a satirical piece that may or may not contain traces of Islamophobia and prejudice. Quotations within the piece are fictional and were created for the purpose of the article, and have no bearing on any specific groups or individuals.
(The purpose of this article was to raise awareness about the media’s representation of certain religious groups, and to show how it perpetuates certain stereotypes as a way of oversimplifying and sensationalizing current events. With this article, we wanted to take a look at the way that the media often uses provocative language to generate interest at the expense of religious/racial groups, and some of the ridiculous burdens we place on them due to the actions of a minority)
